Personal: "I should be able to do this, right?"

By Maartje van Bavel

'Just. As if it takes no effort.

Five years ago I began a program, with the goal of losing many pounds. Day in and day out - for twelve weeks - I worked up a sweat. Working hard in the gym and eating only pure food. And yes! The pounds flew off. Until those twelve weeks were over...
Old habits crept back in. The gym, I was done with that for a while. And after all that hard work, I really deserved some French fries. Three months later, all the pounds had flown back on.
Fortunately, I had not yet gotten rid of my old clothes.

Fastforward, to 2024. My desire to be leaner, fitter was still there. But I didn't want another weight-loss race, but sustainable and maintainable change. So began my search for a gym that looked beyond schedules and scales. That went into depth and didn't stay on the surface in terms of approach.

Everything was scrutinized. What I was eating. Why I was eating it. What I was lacking. Where my weak moments were.
It was a long, hard road but this approach worked. I was very proud when I reached my target weight. Especially when I saw that, after three months abroad without a coach, my scale hadn't moved.
"Just" losing weight was definitely not this. A quick fix didn't help. I really needed to work on myself. And, I needed help.

Shame holds you back

Sharing this story with you feels vulnerable. There is shame in it, because: losing weight, I should "just" be able to do that, right? Other people can do it themselves, so why can't I? Why do I need help with this?

In communication, it is no different. Everyone can 'just do it. Everyone does it "just like that. And yet you need help. If there is such a thing as 'natural communication skills', you certainly don't have them.
This belief ensures that your biggest threshold is often not in communication technique. But in the recognition that you can learn something. And then a very strange thing happens. You feel that you want to get better at something, that you want to learn. But you can't just do that, you need help with that. And then shame strikes. Shame, because saying you want to get better at something means it's not good enough right now.

Change requires courage

Okay, so you're embarrassed. But still you want to do things differently.
That takes guts. Real courage.
Whether you give yourself a four, or an eight when it comes to communicating, making impact with your message, requires deepening. To practice. To development. And a willingness to become visible in the learning process. To show yourself. To be vulnerable. And that is incredibly exciting. Especially when the people around you (yourself first!) expect you to "just master" these things.

Cheese slicer level

So it becomes exciting and vulnerable, and you're not past your embarrassment either. But you do it anyway: you start looking for a communication path that suits you.
And just then, it often goes wrong.
Because we opt en masse for the quick fix. For the easy solution. The safe, bite-sized training. The fast-many-kilos-off approach. But that keeps you on the surface. You're doing a cheese slicer-level workout.

What do I mean by that? It's the training that helps you with the outside of your story. Which gives you tips on structure, on opening sentences, on metaphors. Which teaches you: always start with a compliment. Or: use a maximum of three bullet points per slide. Useful? Definitely. Effective? Somewhat.

Because let's face it. If you stay on the surface and address only what you can see, the core stays the same. The inside doesn't change.
It's like putting a lick of paint over a wall without first patching the cracks. It looks fresh, but the result is not permanent.

Many of the questions we get at The Speech Republic are at the cheese slicer level. For example, someone asked me the other day if I could teach an entire MT to give Pecha Kucha presentations (20 slides, 20 seconds per slide). Or this "Can't you just spend an hour working with my executive team so they bring the strategy story more inspiring?".

I get them, these questions. I really do. But these are the quick fixes. The band-aids. They don't solve the underlying (communication) problem. That's why I said no to everything. Because I am convinced that the real shift is not on a cheese slice, but a much deeper level.

Free yourself

Real impact is not created by using the most evocative metaphors.
Or having a beautiful PowerPoint.

Impact begins when you, the speaker, liberate something within yourself.

Only then can you become a powerful leader, because you take the stage from your strength.
Big words, "Freeing something in yourself. Because, how to do that? What is that then? What does it look like? It varies from person to person. Maybe for you it's daring to take up space. While someone else needs to stop pleasing. Sometimes it's in a phrase you heard too often as a child, "Just act normal, you'll be crazy enough," for example. Or the belief that you can't say something until you're sure of everything.

For example, I once worked with an incredibly charismatic, smart leader on her story about sustainability. But we didn't get much further, because she was whistled back by 'that voice' in her head. 'You have to do everything perfectly yourself first before you can even say anything about sustainability to others'. Don't have a worm hotel in your garden? Then you're not allowed to say anything. Don't separate all your waste? Then don't say anything. Still flying? Then you may not say anything at all. Only after we had worked on this limiting belief, this inner saboteur, did her story really fly. As did her lasting impact,

Consider this question yourself, for example, "What belief keeps me in the place just below the surface of my full power?"

First liberate, then build

You can go with the cheese slicer, but then only the outside changes. Only when you dare to change on a level deeper than that outside, does everything change.
Your story gains weight.
Your body language changes.
Your gaze becomes sharper.
Your voice lands differently.

And sure, then you can still adjust your story structure and use much better slides. But then it's all an expression of who you really are.

Authenticity is not a style. It is a consequence.

The result of hard work. Of real, deep work. Of daring to look at yourself. Of going through your shame. And, of leaving the cheese slicer in the drawer.